We
all have little journey's within our one big journey, our life. Me? I'm just
trying to figure out what that big journey is and will be about in the end.
However, we come to this earth for a purpose, and, once it's complete, we reach
the end of the journey and pass on to a better life.
I was born in Puerto Rico to a Cuban
mother and Puerto Rican father. I have lived my nineteen years of existence
right here on this island. I have only one living grandmother. Her husband, my
grandfather, died of cancer in 2009. I had a boyfriend who
I loved very much, but we both hurt each other. I'm a good student and daughter. A year ago, I was diagnosed
with two conditions in my brain. In one of these, a section of my brain works more than it should and, in the other, another
part of my brain works less than it
should. You probably know these conditions as anxiety and depression,
respectively.
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| January 2015: The Grand Canyon North |
I could go on and keep on giving you
facts about me and my life, but more important to my identity and journey is
that I've spent little time with my dad's family and all my time with my mom's.
Although I was born and raised in Puerto Rico to a Puerto Rican father, I consider
myself more Cuban than Puerto Rican. One of my greatest desires is to live in
the United States. I love my island, but I just feel that I could love it more
from a distance. I want adventure. I've visited the states (California,
Florida, Nevada, Arizona, and New York), and I love the feel of the people: nice, but proper; amicable,
but not invading. Moreover, my grandfather's death and my anxiety and
depression diagnostics are two of the hardest moments I've had to face in my
life. I was incredibly close to my grandfather, and when he died, I also lost a
friend. Very recently, I was hurt very badly, and, in turn, I hurt someone as well so I'm guarded, and no one will ever touch my heart again.Coping with my depression and anxiety was and isn't an easy feat.
Daily, I calm myself down and tell myself to be happy; “today is going to be
good day”, but it usually isn't.
More importantly, I'm defined by my
sense of ambition and perseverance. This is ultimately what has gotten me
through the difficult moments. For me there's no failure. You can fail on occasions,
but complete failure doesn’t exist because we can always try again. Ambition,
contrary to popular belief, is not bad because it means dreaming and working
for what you wish for. In this sense, I am ambitious. I'm a dreamer, and I have
goals which I work hard to reach.
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My 19th birthday at Pirulos, Old San Juan, PR.
My ex-boyfriend (left) and I (right). |
Nevertheless, despite these
self-evident truths about myself and my life, I'm still working on figuring out
my big journey—what it’ll be and its meaning. The little journeys in my life
which you, in the course of these words, have witnessed are the ones that will shape
that big journey called life. Meanwhile, I work hard to be the best version of
myself I can possibly be. That, with the help of the experiences and people I
come across, will ultimately define my journey.
Beautifully written. I definitely relate to your sense of wanderlust and your desire to have adventures! I'm definitely jealous of your ability to write blog posts that are personal and honest, but still manage to end on an optimistic note.
ReplyDeleteYou'er post are so intense and emotionally charged. You have agreat ability to expres yourself without no shame what so ever. I have recently had some unbalances in my life that had lead to a diagnostic of anxiety. I totaly undestand you and know how does it feel to be under the control of you nerves instead of one being in control of them.
ReplyDeleteSabrina, for me life, among other things, is about having adventures. Belle from Beauty and the Beast is my favorite Disney princess (this might seem a far fetched comment, but it relates; I promise). She has an incredible sense of adventure, being great, and doing great things. I relate to her so much on these levels.
ReplyDeleteTo both Jorge and Sabrina, thank you for your kind words on my writing! I'm so glad you liked it!
Jorge, it's horrible at first. When I was first diagnosed I thought I was damaged, and that anxiety was a bad thing. Nonetheless, I have recently started to realize that without anxiety we wouldn't have the fuel to do many things. It's refreshing to find someone that goes through the same. I wish you the very best of luck!